Meeting the Girls

One year ago today, February 4th, I was at work filled with anxiety. It was the day that Jason and I were going to meet these two little girls. We didn’t know too much about them, and we weren’t sure what to expect. As each hour passed, my anxiety heightened more and more. As the clock struck 4pm, it was time to leave work and head out to our destination. I remember looking over to Jason and giving him this big nervous smile and asking, “Are you ready to meet our girls?!” As Jason drove, we stat there hand in hand, nervously talking about what to expect and possible questions we could ask the girls. We were also meeting the foster family who were taking care of the girls at that time. For us, we were the strangers. The previous foster family were well acquainted with the caseworker for the girls, and obviously with the girls; we were the outsiders.

Our destination was a McDonalds with a Playplace. We all agreed this was a good idea because it would allow the children to play and help them loosen up as they get used to having us around. Plus it would give us adults an opportunity to talk and ask questions to better get to know one another.

Jason and I pulled into the McDonald’s parking lot right after everyone else. We watched everyone walk inside and we looked at each other, still nervously smiling, and took a deep breath together. This was it. The girls were literally just inside the building. We were seconds away from meeting them. We had no idea what they knew about us. We didn’t want them to be scared of us.

Backtracking a little bit here. After we scheduled this meeting with the girls caseworker, I was trying to find ideas of how to ease this introduction with the girls. I came across these little puzzles and a Disney princess matching game and thought this would be a good conversation started with them. I also baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies to share with the girls after we ate our dinners. No, I didn’t do this as a bribing method of I’m going to buy you things so you will like us. These items were a good conversation started for us to help us ease into conversation with the girls. Something we could do together with them, but still able to talk and get to know them.

Two days after meeting the girls, the foster mom texted me a picture of the girls playing with the puzzles we gifted to them. I guess they had been talking about us and wanted to share this picture with us. NOTE: Due to the nature of fostering, we are not allowed to share the girls faces for privacy reasons.

So back to the story. Jason and I slowly, but eagerly, walked to the doors to enter McDonald’s and we spotted everyone in the Playplace area. The caseworker (Ms. L) gathered the girls and introduced us to them as her new friends. We also met the other foster couple and their two boys. Everything was going well so far. We all ordered our foods and as we waited for the food to be ready, we sat there doing small talk. The 5 year old “J” sat next to me and the 2 year old “A” sat next to Jason. We asked them a bunch of questions about their likes, dislikes, how school is going, how daycare is going, etc. They in return began to ask us questions, too. Ms. L and the foster family encouraged the girls to connect with us and offered other topics to the conversation. After we were done eating, I offered the chocolate chip cookies to everyone and then brought out the puzzles and the matching game. While we worked on the puzzles and matching the Disney cards, the girls warmed up to us very fast. “J” sat closer to me and “A” asked to sit on Jason’s lap. After a long while, the children asked to go back in the Playplace and us adults talked more in detail about the girls and what was next for us all. The foster family shared details about the girls and how they are at their home and just different tidbits about their rules, discipline, activities, the girls personalities, etc. While the adults were talking “J” ran to the window next to me and slapped the window to give me a high-five”. So I put my hand up on the glass to high-five her back. Then both girls kept running back and forth to the glass to get our attention. It was super cute.

A few hours later it was time to leave, and I so badly didn’t want to leave the girls. They were so stink’n cute and I felt a connection with them right away. I was already picturing how I would decorate their bedroom and all the activities we could do with them. As we were leaving the girls surprised us by running up to us to give us a big hug goodbye. They agreed that they would like to see us again. My heart melted with pure joy. All the anxiety throughout the day was totally not necessary. They liked us and connected with us with ease. I was beyond excited for our next visit with them.

It is so crazy to think that all of this took place one full year ago! This past year flew by so insanely fast! We have been having so much fun with the girls. This is not to say that there have not been many challenges along the way. Parenting in general is hard, but foster parenting is a whole new role. We love these girls so much and we truly feel like they could be biologically ours. We are a family. They share their “I love you’s” with us often, and every single time it melts my heart.

For the past year we have experienced so many “firsts”. When we started this journey and told our family we wanted to adopt older children, many had mentioned how we would miss out on all the “firsts” that come with a baby. But if you really think about it. Even with older children we still experience “firsts”. The first time going to church as a family of four. The first time at a restaurant. The first time going to the zoo. The first of all the holidays The first time going to bed without a pull up The first time losing a tooth. The first time leaving the State with the girls. The first time going swimming with the girls. The first day of school. The first day of daycare. You get the idea. There are still so many more firsts that are yet to come, and I cannot wait.

That’s the fun part of being first time parents after so many years of struggling to conceive naturally. You cherish every single moment that many may take for granted. The first time being called mommy or being referred to as their mom. I will never forget that moment. This wasn’t a natural relationship where they were born to us and it was natural instinct to call us mom and dad. For us, this title took time. It took some time of bonding and connecting with the girls for them to feel comfortable enough to call us mom and dad. It was the transition from being called Christi and Jason. Same with the hugs, kisses, snuggles. All of this took time.

This morning I pulled out the puzzles and matching game and the girls and I played with these items as we talked about this one year anniversary of meeting each other. Sure the puzzles are easy for them now, but it was just the fact of remember this day together. Honestly, this probably meant way more to me than it did for them, but hopefully as the years pass they understand the significance of this day.

One year later and we are all bonded fairly well, but we are still working on a few things which will take some time. I am looking for this next year of possibilities. We truly don’t know what is in store for all of us. We are just praying that good things are to come.