We officially received our license to foster and adopt on May 3, 2018. Almost immediately our caseworker started to send us email upon email of a bunch of available children waiting to be adopted. We carefully read through ever single background trying to decide if we were the right fit for these children. Many were a bit more challenging and we didn’t feel we were the right people to take care of them and provide them the best life that they deserved. We did reach out and inquire in quite a few children, too, though. Sometimes we received the letdown news that the children’s caseworker didn’t feel we were the perfect match for the children so another family was chosen. Other times we would hear from the children’s caseworker that the children would prefer to stay where they are currently living with the assistance they are currently receiving.
When we started this journey, Jason and I both agreed we did not want a baby. I was (and still am) dealing with my own mental issues from the miscarriage we went through and am not interested in that baby stage anymore. We really focused our search for children between the ages of 8 and 13 since the older the children are, the less likely they are to be adopted. We wanted to give children a loving, safe home before they were to age out of the system. It seemed like every time we reached out, we were shot down.
So let me explain this process a little better. When we received our license we were approved for a Trauma level 2 and up to four children between the ages of 2 and 15. There are different levels/rankings that children receive that is assigned for the type of care the children need. The higher the number, the higher amount of care is needed. Our caseworker receives notification and information about children that have been in the foster system for a long time and/or have no chance of reunification with their birth family. This is usually after the State has exhaust every single option and opportunity to reunite the family. This can be that the biological family has not put the effort into changing or they don’t believe there is anything to change. This could also be that they are incarcerated with no chance of parole. This could also be the biological parents are no longer alive. Seriously, there are many reasons and far too many to explain. Our caseworker reads over the information and if the children meet our approved ranking she emails us the background information for the children and we decide if we feel we can meet their needs. Sometimes there are pictures of the children included, but most times pictures are not included. We receive the basic information about why they were removed from their home, what their personalities are like, what interests they have, what type of home environment is suitable for them, what behavioral challenges they may have, how they are doing in school or how they behave with their peers or adults, etc. After reading this all over and if we feel we could be a good match, we respond to our caseworker and tell her we are interested in the child/children and she forwards our home study over the child(ren) caseworker. Their caseworker receives a bunch of home studies from many families and they and their team read over all the home studies and choose the family that matches best with the child(ren). This process of their review can feel like forever. They typically have around seven days and they have to give some sort of feedback.
This process of waiting and all the unknowns would really weigh on us. We were eager to start a family and get matched with some amazing children, but we had to be selective and careful. This was a big decision and we couldn’t just jump into anything without the commitment to follow-through to the end.
After a long talk with our caseworker we decided that instead of her filtering through the emails she receives about children available that she should just send us everything, even if she doesn’t see them being a good fit for us. We received TONS of emails, one right after another. We briefly skimmed through the emails but didn’t put much thought into them, to be honest. We were a bit overwhelmed and kind of just took a step back. In the beginning of September of 2018, we decided to take a moment and read through all of the emails and came across a sibling group of three children (2 girls and 1 boy) with the option to just choose the girls or just the boy. To keep the privacy I can’t share the reasons behind this, but we decided to reach out for the two girls. The girls were ages 2 and 5 and in general sounded like two great children, plus it helped that their Trauma level fell into our No. 2 range. We quickly notified our caseworker to se if they were still available since it had been a month since we received the email a bout the girls. After some inquiring, we heard the news that yes they were in fact still available, so our caseworker sent over our home study for their review on September 12, 2018.
Then we waited, and waited some more. A week later our caseworker reached out to the girls caseworker and was told they needed more time to decide. So we waited some more. On October 1, 2018 while I was waiting in urgent care dealing with another case of bronchitis, my phone started to ring. I answered the phone and it was our caseworker. “I have some good news for you! Are you ready? You have been selected! They chose you! When can we schedule a meeting for us to meet the girls caseworker and talk things through?” Instantly I began to shake and cry. I was in complete shock. It finally happened. We were finally chosen. I don’t remember much more of that conversation, to be honest. As soon as the conversation was done I hung up and quickly called Jason. Once he answered I paused because I was still trembling and crying and some how got out the words, “We got the girls.” We shared information and our thoughts and the doctor came back into the room so I hung up the phone. I told the doctor briefly what just happened because I must have looked crazy just shaking and crying (and coughing) while sitting alone in the room. She happily congratulated me and continued on with telling me they wanted to take another xray to make sure I didn’t have pneumonia. I asked if I could go tell my parents who were waiting in the waiting room for me and she said I could.
I rushed down the hall and opened the door for the waiting room and spotted my parents. I started to cry again and I said, “we are matched!”. They looked at me all confused, so I continued, “we got the girls!” At this point I’m back to shaking and trying to hold my composure. I saw my mom tearing up, so I hurried and turned around and closed the door and rushed back to my patient room. I knew that if I saw her cry I would lose it completely.
Our lives were never going to be the same again.
Family Against All Odds 